Dating Violence

The Office of Prevention is committed to providing confidential support to any student who may be experiencing any form of domestic or dating violence as well as their friends and peers. You deserve to know your options, campus resources, and be listened to.

Dating Violence

Support is available.

Any student in need of immediate and confidential assistance should call either the Prevention Specialist (973-596-2664) or the Center for Counseling and Psychological Services (973-596-3420).

For 24-hour assistance, please contact SAVE Essex County for residents of Essex County at 1-877-733-2273 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

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Whether you’re in a relationship or just thinking about dating, remember your rights:

  • You have the right to privacy, both online and off.
  • You have the right to feel safe and respected.
  • You have the right to decide who you want to date or not date.
  • You have the right to choose when/if you have sex and who you have sex with.
  • You have the right to say no at any time (to sex, to drugs/alcohol, to a relationship), even if you’ve said yes before.
  • You have the right to hang out with your friends and family and do the things that you enjoy, without your partner getting jealous or controlling.
  •  You have the right to leave a relationship that isn’t right or healthy for you.
  • You have the right to live free from violence and abuse.

Source: loveisrespect.org

Dating abuse is a pattern of abusive behaviors used to exert power and control over a current or former dating partner. Although domestic and dating violence have often been used interchangeably, it is important to note that the legal definition of domestic violence has its specificities. Domestic violence typically involves spouses, former spouses, persons related by blood or marriage, persons who are presently residing together as if a family or who have resided together in the past as if a family, and persons who have a child in common regardless of whether they have been married or have resided together at any time.

Controlling Behaviors:

  • Tries to prevent partner from spending time with their family or friends
  • Tells their partner how to dress
  • Buys their partner anything as a method of control
  • Threatens to spread rumors if partner doesn’t do what they wants
  • Tells their partner where to live, either on or off campus
  • Prevents their partner from participating in sports or other extracurricular activities
  • Prevents their from going to study groups
  • Tells their partner what classes to take

 

Verbal or Emotional Abuse:

  • Threatens to kill themselves if their partner stops seeing them
  • Threatens to hurt partner if they break up
  • Threatens to hurt their partner (hit, slap, choke, punch, kick) when angry
  • Makes insulting comments to their partner
  • Tries to humiliate or intimidate their partner

 

Physical Abuse:

  • Hurts (hit, slap, choke, punch, kick) partner when angry
  • Makes partner fear for their safety

 

Abuse via Technology:

  • Demands passwords
  • Checks partners phone, texts, and e-mail messages
  • Frequent calls and texts partner’s cell phone to check up on their partner
  • Shares or threatens to share private or embarrassing pictures or videos of their partner

 

Sexual Abuse: Pressures partner into having sex or engaging in sexual activity when they don’t want to

 

Forced Substance Abuse: Pressures partner into drinking alcohol or taking drugs when they don’t want to

 

Stalking:

  • Repeatedly watching, following, monitoring or harassing a partner or ex-partner
  • Stalking can occur on-line or in person and may or may not include the giving of unwanted gifts

 

Financial abuse:

  • Taking or withholding money from a partner
  • Prohibiting a partner from earning or spending their own money

Sources: Breakthecycle.org and CampusSafetyMagazine.com

All relationships live on a spectrum. It is important to understand that as culture shifts, new terms such as “toxic” are used to mean very specific and harmful behaviors that can fall under abusive or unhealthy. Abuse relies on a pattern of power and control and unhealthy relationships reflect attempts at control. Unhealthy relationships can become abusive.  

  • Love is Respect PDF.
  • Love is Respect Spectrum Image

Anyone can be impacted by domestic and dating violence. Individuals across different races, genders, sexual orientations, economic backgrounds, educational levels, and other social factors can experience dating violence. It is never your fault.

  • Dating violence occurs when one partner gains power and control over the other. This occurs more than once, typically in a pattern, across a period of time.
  • Over half of all college students (57%) say it’s difficult to identify dating abuse.
  • 38% of college students say they don’t know how to get help for themselves if they experience dating abuse as a victim.
  • 58% of college students say they don’t know what to do to help someone who is a victim of dating abuse
  • For additional data, please visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline website.

*It is important to note that statistics may only represent reported cases and only provide a part of a larger story.

Domestic and dating violence is a pattern of behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control. This can occur through physical, verbal, sexual, financial, emotional, stalking, and digital abuse. It can also occur through identity-based violence such as homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism, ableism, weaponizing citizenship status, and other forms of harm that specifically target a partner’s identity.

Throughout the years, there have been various versions of the Power and Control Wheel. These Power and Control Wheels serve as a resource guide with information on tactics abusive partners use to keep survivors in a relationship. However, all tactics may not be listed. Your experience matters.